Things you learn from The Astronomy Domine and Underground

1. Asian people are awesome.
2. Popular kids get to sit together.
3. Mr. Gillham's Earthworm Poster looks like a penis.
4. Everyone has a nickname.
5. Sharpies.
6. No. 6 does not exist.
7. 2 + 2=Fish.
8. Driving around town in a Maxima and/or VW Bus while air-guitaring "Danny Says" is normal.
9. It's not nice to stab earthworms.
10. Collin will do anything for a dollar.
11. So will Brianna.
12. If you're going to puke, puke on Kendall.
13. Don't piss off short people.
14. Go to the bathroom, Dylan has Doritos.
15. Mr. Dude pwns.
16. Kanye West will defeat Cameron, the evil leprechaun, and he will go to Switzerland and never bother anyone again.
17. Never sell your arm
18. You shut your mouth when you talk to me
19. What's bad for the heart is bad for the penis
20. Recycling bins are a great place to store homework
21. If it's on Wikipedia, it must be true
22. You will be a blind watchmaker and own a chicken named Charlie.
23. The blue crayon is the best crayon!
24. Josh Banks is a dirty hoe.
25. Jeff loves you all THAT way.
26. Something gross happened in UUHHHHHH
27. Anyone can be a Jewish Mexican at any one time but only in Kendall's sick mind.
28. People send stupid letters to the editor.
29. You fight with close friends more then other friends.
30. Everything will one day show up in the orchestra room.
31. If you're popular, you can do whatever you want.
32. A.D members are a different story.
33. If you're being chased by savage cannibals, all you have to do is-FATAL ERROR
34. If it exists, there is Porn of it.
35. If it exists but there is not porn of it, then there will be porn of it sooner or later.
36. When put into a calculator, 5317705 spells Hollies.
37. Kendall asks stupid questions.
38. Before you die, you see the muffin.
39. Taylor Hendricks is the true owner of the mysterious teacher's edition.
40. Nothing is Impossible.
41. Special ed kids have super powers.
42. 6th grade teachers make good friends
43. Pep rallies and sports games suck
44. Being in the A.D makes you IMMORTAL. In a not-really sort of way.
45. Chocolate chip granola bars are Hitler's food.
46. Channel One plays Crappy Music.
47. Channel One is crappy in general.
48. If things should ever get boring, the In My Pants game might be needed.
49. Tater Tots make good entertainment
50. Boredom=decreased spelling ability.
51. Whenever we dissect stuff in Science, Turtle/Mike will keep the intestines.
52. Peace, Love, and Happiness.
53. Emos suck 98% of the time.
54. People with Afros are usually geniuses.
55. People will hate you for no discernible reason.
56. Whatever Paco is smoking, it's invisible.
57. Class is more fun when the room is dark.
58. Smile! Be Happy! Flower! AH-CHOO!
59. Things wrapped in plastic are not openable.
60. Computer 24 is possessed.
61. Alicia can possess things if she touches them.
62. All A.D. people rock.
63. Shiny Things are cat toys for humans.
64. Never die in public
65. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel the true warmth...
66. Heaven exists in Computer no. 5
67. Health is the best class. ever.
68. People named Brandon have vivid personalities.
69. Hail the Great Muffin.
70. Just stare at the ceiling.
71. Do not boogie in chair.
72. Your mom.
73. Doing drugs turns you into either a. a black woman b. Robert E. Lee c. Steven Speilburg or D. the flag of Texas
74. Everything can be made hilarious.
75. Such humor is often politically incorrect, however.
76. All your base are belong to us.
77. Lava lamps sometimes go bloooooeeeey fowooooosh glorp.
78. Pants are fun.
79. No.
80. Condoms do not provide any essential vitamins or minerals.
81. Love is the answer.
82. Elmo knows where you live.
83. If you say E=MC^2 next to a tree it will fall on you
84. Nothing happens instantly
85. Ziggy Played Guitar.
86. So there were two muffins, sitting in an oven...
87. Aliens will kill all the muffins in the world and steal the letter A.
88. The Dumb Philosopher knows Everything.
89. Burning Businessmen Exist.
90. Food can talk. Listen.
91. If you dreamed you married someone, that means you really did marry them.
92. TV Room glasses are pimp.
93. Women set you free.
94. Cheese is better then everything.
95. Your Mother is a stalker.
96. Hamsters can wield chainsaws
97. Hearts, Stars, Horseshoes, clovers and blue moons! Pots of Gold and Rainbows, and the Red Balloons!
98. One time, at band Camp...
99. Dumpsters usually have Lite Brites in them.
100. Jeff Trophies are scary
101. Finding unopened bags of jerky is science is normal
102. Jam you made in Kindergarten is a good gift for people you hate.
103. putting severed doll heads on pencils and worshiping them is Normal
104. Using the name of lip balm to describe strange people is normal.
105. If you whack Trent with Tater Tot holders, he will whack you.
106. Melon Ballers are lucky.
107. Coat Hangers frequently show up in the Debate Room.
108. Leprechauns are evil.
109. If you mess with the A.D, Keisha's mafia will get'choo
110. The Mafia frequently donates things to churches.
111. Never Touch Jeff.
112. Things covered in tape, gold chains, and guacamole are cool.
113. <- This is how many times I'll stab you in the eyeball if you don't shut up.
114.
115. ring ring ring ring ring ring ring...banana phone!
116. Homophobia is GAY.
117. I want to eet sum frozen Yogurt.
118. Eat your children to power up!
119. Buy our cereal, or we will eat your babies!
120. Eat your go-gurt to pop Daisy's balloons.
121. The AD is gud writrs
123. I can write 123.
124. Tots are funny people.
125. J'aime voyager!
126. David Bowie doing His laundry is apparently incredibly awesome.
127. Fans are cool.
128. Never agree with Mike/Turtle
129. Don't offer cookies to executioners.
130. Death is your friend.
131. All Death really needs is a hug.
132. Don't give Grampy cookies.
133. If all else fails, gnaw water bottles.
134. Point at Mr. Shreiner.
135. Kiwis make good superheroes.
136. Nursery Rhymes are creepy.
137. Don't eat yellow jell-o.
138. Don't eat yellow snow.
139. Don't snort Pixie sticks.
140. Emo + Caffeine = AWESOME.
141. Chucky is your future husband.
142. Don't lick the can.
143. Spoons will bond together and take over the world.
144. Cans of peas are glorious.
145. Bango flavored.
146. If offered Jeffrey Juice, say no.
147. If you put an octopus on your head, you will achieve orgasm.
148. Paco is a Southern whale and can fly.
149. Turtle is Jesus
150. Jesus is a Mexican Pimp.
151. You will own a clam. He will live in your pocket. His name will be Pocket Clam.
152. Jesus Can't fly, so we'll have to use a catapult.
153. If Al Gore and Bill Clinton had a fight, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
154. Ronald Reagan watches you through AIDS videos.
155. Chuck Norris watched you through Infomercials.
156. WHERE'S MY MONEY, MIKE?
156. Cartman can breathe fire.
157. Don't forget to feed the hobo.
158. Come Sail Away.
159. Your Mom. Again.
160. 161 is true.
161. 160 is false.
162. The best kind of prize is a surprise.
163. There was a Gold Rush back in the day.
164. If you don't stop that I will molest your eye socket.
165. Paco can turn into a chair.
166. Grandma is comin' to town.
167. Turn that frown upside down.
168. 168 doesn't exist.
168 1/2. If 156 isn't taken seriously, the question will be repeated, only at knife-point and at a school dance.
169. YO MAHZUHPAN MACHINE'S BEEN THNIKKAFIED!
170. Cows can't sweat.
171. Gene's mouth is a national park.
172. Cheese ninjas are the greatest thing since pirate mushrooms.
173. Mr. Rogers and Sid Vicious live in aforementioned Cheese Ninja's basement.
174. Amish people are cool.
175. Waldo is cool enough to have his own holiday.
176. Leif Ericson is cool enough to have his own holiday.
177. Mr. Bean is cool enough to have his own holiday.
178. People in England are cool.
179. People in Thailand are cool.
180. People in Australia are cool.
181. People in Antarctica are cool.
182. White-Out is pretty much the coolest thing ever.
183. Anime boys are sexy.
184. We cawn't give them tote bawgs.
185. That's inappropriate, I guess I'll put it away.
186. The AntiChrist is a Belgian Computer Nerd.
187. You weren't sleeping, just Thnikkamanning real hard.
188. Hola! Thees ees Dora, and we need YOUR help!
189. Mr. Cookie has a Coach Z accent.
190. Don't eat yellow snow
191. Beware of Tater
192. Oprah ate Squidward.
193. Women have magical powers
194. Do not try and stop a chainsaw using hands or genitals.
195. Be careful when doing a rain dance-if you miss even one step, it could start raining egg beaters.
196. Always listen to veggies.
197. You can't compare Apple Kid and Orange Kid.
198. Don't give Bill Gates pie.
199. Duke Onkland is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon.
200. This is the 200th thing.
201. If there's ever a fire across the street, (With a Grizzly Bear in it), throw Mountain Dew to stop it. WARNING: You will be 75 and a clown will stab you with a popsicle stick before running away in his exploding, pink ice cream truck. Also, Don't run in the forest, especially if you are holding a burning dog. You will be killed by spider monkeys.
202. Don't touch the sex book.
203. Mr. Beetles is your friend on MySpace.
204. You can't milk a cow with your hands in your pants.
205. Never wear a thong with David Bowie on it in gym
206. Balloons are Jewish
207. Forks grow from the heads of smiley faces
208. If you remove the handles from the urinals in the boy's bathroom, you'll get ninety-nine counts of vandalism.
209. This is Illegal, you know.
210. The best place to have a party? The Boy's bathroom
211. Marco Polo is the largest of all wild sheep
212. It's Dr. Phil, you sleazy fatball.
213. You're pwap, my son.
214. There are many kinds of questionable shapes.
215. It doesn't make a bit of difference guys, the balls are inert.
216. Michael Jackson blows in and out of a bag named hans.
217. There's nothing wrong with this hat, I just found it in the middle of a freeway.
218. Tractors taste like purple.
219. Game Boy + Blender = Time Travel.
220. I'll be The Marth.
221. Independent movies are always hit or miss; in fact, anything independent is that way.
222. Elevators are always there for you.
223. It's a magical Leopleurodon, Charlie.
224. This peace is what all true warriors strive for.
225. You will work for Grandfather clocks.
226. You're legal in Amsterdam.
227. The Boy doll is not anatomically correct.
228. Big, Complicated Rube Goldberg Contraptions always fail. Always.
229. Don't forget to inject yourself with nacho cheese.
230. Do a Barrel Roll.
231. Wear a hat. Don't forget to wear a hat.
232. Seeing naked children down the street is normal.
233. The Junk Man is here.
234. Liberace's fixin' to lose a finger there.
235. Mah Boy will NEVER die.
236. You may have thought it looked like a crazy Moonside Mr. Saturn.
237. HONK HONK IT'S DEDEDE BITCH
238. Even Jesus has a MySpace.
240. Pwap is anything named Pwap.
241. You Must Construct Additional Pylons.
243. All Toasters toast toast.
244. All Pylons Pylon Pylons.
245. Ninja, Pylon, and Computer Nerd are Verbs.
246. Always be ready to Mariocise.
247. Always be ready to be Mariocised.
248. Always be ready to commit Mariocide.
249. You Must Construct Additional Pylons.
250. Do not anger Luke.
251. Young Boys in video games and cartoons are always voiced by adult Women. Always.
252. If you want to beat someone, beat yourself
253. Ghost never existed
254. Rainbow Suspenders kick ass
255. Tom Sawyer is stalking you
256. Everything can be explained through Interpretive Dance.
257. Everything has a website.
258. NEVER wear a tye-dye shirt to ArtsFest.
259. Top Hats are the greatest thing ever invented.
260. World War IV Will be fought by Time-Traveling Laser Monkeys.
261. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors, Captain Falcon can slam Chuck Norris
262. You can't spell Genocide without Geno.
263. 4 packs of sugar, coffee, creamer, and iced tea.
264. 6 + 8 equals Clint Eastwood.
265. You spin me right round.
266. No one will ever take you seriously unless you have a laser pointer.
267. You can only have sex on a kitchen counter if it's Monday.
268. Don't forget a spatula.
269. I put that thing in the electric socket.
270. You just couldn't help but notice Arkcher's sexy bod.
271. Arkcher never actually wore a David Bowie thong.
272. I expect you heard all about the fajita seasoning and mashed potatoes in my eyes.
273. Mashed potatoes are what's ruining your computer.
274. There should be an Oompa-Loompa song about STDs.
275. you're oompa-loompa-doopity-SCREWED
276. How dare you sir
277. em!!!o
278. I rule over all things, even the Nazi moon place
279. I think those rocks have Jell-o in them.
280. Rocks are always made of stone, except volcanic ash ones, those are made of ash.
281. Ninja is going to touch himself
282. Beardo was arrested for arson once
283. You get the Arkcher seal of approval.
284. there should be a club for people who don't care about air pressure.
285. You are a figment of your own collective imagination.
286. Most people sit on their ass.
287. Aren't you guys supposed to be partying or humping TV's instead of talking to a loon you don't even know?
288. When you say so, it is so.
289. When you destroy someone, make sure it involves baking soda.
290. Baking powder absorbs souls.
291. Fantastic idea: Put cheese in a cat's fur.
292. I killed your mom because she taught you English.
293. I wouldn't be a fan of Homo-Hitler myself.
294. Normal is Boring.
295. FAIL
296. Don't forget to do the Tribal dance for the Poultry God.
297. Whenever MK yells "ORGIE!!!" it typically has something to do with Jeff, geno, or Captain Falcon.
298. Adding Nuclear Dust to chocolate milk counts as intelligent.
299. Let me use the portal in my pocket.
300. This is Sparta.
301. It's over 9,000.
302. Fat people were illegal in ancient SPARTAAAA.
303. The eggplant toward an anomaly If the tornado defined by the customer assimilates a chain saw, then the frozen crane hibernates.
304. Don't talk shit about Total.
305. You must learn to listen with your ears, not with your face.
306. You just failed as much as the guy washing his car in the rain.
307. Life is cruel and unforgiving, but cheese is delicious.
308. The Internet is a place where nothing happens.
309. Should there ever be conflicts, all that is needed is a dance-off and a good round of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.
310. There is a legion of Moon Nazis living on the Moon led by Homo-Hitler and his lover Hobo-Hitler.
311. Should you receive a letter from your uncle, dip in water to see if there's a secret message.
312. Be it Barack Obama doing the caramelldansen, or Peppy Hare singing "Never Gonna Give You Up", or Hamtaro porn, you can be sure it exists somewhere online.
313. I need you to fly. I'm depending on you to fly.
314. No matter how hard you practice, you cannot say "Yea, Right" without sounding sarcastic.
315. Ninjas do not exist, except when they do.
316. All the best quotes come from the internet.
317. Fanbases are not good things to join. Ever.
318. The nerd club at school, however, is.
319. Newsboys should be brought back into society.
320. You. Can't. Fool. Owls.
321. We all live in a Yellow Submarine.
322. If you can read this, then you know how to read.
323. TITANIC SPOILER: The ship sinks.
324. If you used duct tape and it still isn't fixed, you haven't used enough.
325. Ninjas can't catch you if you're on FIRE.
326. Where's Waldo? Wherever Carmen SanDiego is.
327. Boxes sometimes try to eat people.
328. Telephones can make women pregnant.
329. If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the Enclosed Instruction Book.
330. You must construct additional pylons.
331. You must construct mysterious pylons.
332. hey kids! VIRGIN! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!
333. We need a war cry. Like WAFFLES!! or something.
334. The Earth is shaped like a Banana
335. Pillage BEFORE you burn.
336. Follow your dreams, except for the one where you're naked at school.
337. Submarines are not monkeys. They are human beings.
338. I'm so cereal you could eat me for breakfast.
339. Even if you wait for 2 hours for your ride to pick you up after school, even if you call and your ride says they'll be a while, THE VERY MOMENT you go inside to use the bathroom or get a drink, your ride will show up and get pissed off when you do get out there, yelling "WHERE WERE YOU?!" (No, seriously. Happens to me EVERY DAY.)
340. Your mother plays card games.
341. IN HELL.
342. When it's cold and slippery outside, right when someone says "Be careful!" or "Don't fall!", you WILL fall.
343. Benny Hill + Anything = EPIC WIN.
344. When nerds talk about Twilight, they mean The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.
345. If at first you don't succeed, blow it up
346. Newsboys should be brought back into society.
347. Not the band, you twat.
348. Screw belts, suspenders are better
349. What crosses are to vampires, what boxes of tampons are to the male gender.
350. The forest is FULL of Baby Food. seriously.
351. Having a cat or some other animal scratch your wrist is a very unfortunate thing indeed.
352. Exploring forests, junkyards, and the school finding odd objects and collecting them is a good hobby.
353. Bubbles are made of win and awesome.
354. Silly String is made of win and awesome.
355. Sharpies are made of win and awesome.
356. Suspenders are made of win and awesome.
357. Ninja Info Cards is the greatest Card Game of all time.
348. Actually, Ninja Info Cards isn't really a card game, since due to the fact that it has no rules you can use whatever you want to win.
349. One Pylon = Ten Awesome Points.
350. One Billion Pylons = One Internet.
351. Everyone on Earth plays the MMORPG known solely as Real Life.
352. Remember to floss your teeth, or else Arkcher will pop a cap in your collective arse.
353. It is possible to sit on a shoulder.
355. Next time you get mad at someone, call them "Three Swords". Best insult ever.
356. If "Three Swords" doesn't quite cut it, then try "U HART MA".
357. By your powers combined, you may form FLAMING LAPINE!!!
358. The world is roughly over nine thousand years old.
361.  MK is a dirty rotten liar who smokes crack and pot and cheats on all 342 spouses.
362. Whenever you hug someone, be sure to remind them of their untimely demise.
363. Whenever your hands hurt, just take them off
364. Remember to vote for Banana of the Faceist Party, not to be confused with the Fascist party.
365. But do not ever vote for Apple of the Mackentush party; for he is a communist.
366. Do not ever hold a staring contest with a bespectacled individual; they don't call us "four-eyes" for nothin'.
367. Do not under any circumstances piss off a bespectacled person. They will take their lenses, break them into shards, and shove them into your lungs.
368. Do not ever under any circumstances piss off a time traveler. They will go back in time and erase you ever existing.
369. Do not ever under any circumstances piss off a musician. They will write a song about you and all the world will know what an asshole you are.
370. Do not under any circumstances piss off a nerd, especially the 'inventive', 'technology', or 'business-y' types, because they WILL be famous scientists and/or your boss and/or ruler of the world someday and depending on how it turns out you will either be delivering pizza to their mansion, slaving away for them as citizens of their planet, or slaving away as their underlings in the office.
371. Glasses PWN contact lenses and laser eye surgery by over 9,000 miles.
372. Deep down inside everyone's true name is Bob.
373. I came, I saw, I came.
374. The singer needs more purple.
375. Murphy's Law is a bitch and she's on her period.
376. World of Warcraft is serious business
377. The Internet is serious business
378. Over Nine Million Internets = 1 Internet meme.
379. Otaku =/= Weeaboo.
380. Fangirls are a dangerous breed indeed.
381. Engage 3D Glasses...shoooooom
382. REMEMBER: When at an anime convention, while your friends are at some boring panel or AMV contest, go get your picture with the guy dressed as Cactuar to make them jealous.
383. Heen can fly-once.
384. Caitlin is terrifying with too much caffeine in her system.
385. "How did you deduce that, Holmes?" "COCAINE, MY DEAR WATSON!"
386. If you try hard enough, you can fit eight people into a photobooth.
387. The similarities between the Team Fortress 2 Classes and the characters from '9' can't be a coincidence.
388. Remember to salute Bob every day.
389. Jared is a regular Ed Wood.
390. Parker is also a regular Ed Wood
391. If you try to imagine Caitlin wearing heels, your mind will implode.
392. Don't smoke weed in a class where you'll be working with heavy machinery.
393. Mounties are sexy
394. It's possible to fit a Lord of The Rings pinball machine in your pocket.
395. STEAMBOY-Half the movie is explosions, the other half is explaining why things exploded.
396. Steamboy is Caitlin's porn.
397. Heather + /b/ = hilarity
398. Heather + /d/ = epic hilarity
399. Brock is Captain Obvious
400. When it's five in the morning and you've had two Monsters, everything is hilarious.
401. Debate sucks.
402. Wesley Wren is a technologically impaired duck.
403. Thou Shalt Honor Pokemon Profile Picture Month.
404. Listening to twins argue is hilariously epic.
405. Don't let Wes near a claw machine. Please.
406. Parker will wear a dress for you because he loves you.
407. Cody Brooks has the most beautiful eyes in the world.
408. 'Cabinetmaking' is the Educational System's way of saying "Building a box".
409. Remember to get all the flammables and put them in a cabinet for safekeeping.
410. It was Colonel Randy, at Cody's house, with the pop gun.
411. Randy doesn't have a Santa suit, so he'll just wear Trenchie and be Badass Santa.
412. Will's power of growing extra arms comes in handy quite a bit.
413. Jared is the manliest thing you have ever seen in your life ever.
414. Nick Wren is a Socially Awkward Penguin.
415. Don't talk about Twin Fetishes around the twins.
416. I WAS FROZEN TODAY!
417. Be sure to call him Candlejohn so you Candlejack doesn't kidna
418. When tagging people in Facebook tag memes, Keyon is ALWAYS the black guy, and NicknWes are ALWAYS the twins (even if they're not male).
419. Heather can easily convince people she's Canadian.
420. Parker's stare. Just...Parker's stare.
421. NicknWes are cheating bastards at the Spirit Week theme 'Twin Day'.
422. Multiplication Tables are, by nature, very dead.
423. Fun hobby: Comparing friends to Hetalia characters.
424. Calvin is like the creepy parent who lives in our computers.
425. Watching Caitlin play 'I Wanna Be The Guy' is really funny.
426. Fingerstaches are the way to go.
427. Heather is a bowling pin alien.
428. Caitlin is the chainsaw wielder.
429. It takes intense skill to be shorter than Courtney
430. It takes intense skill to be taller than John
431. Dalton Sly: Professional Photobomber
432. When in doubt, Caps Lock OFF.
435. Your Barista today is Admiral Ackbar.
436. Why is the Elf on The Shelf in The Fetal Position? The world may never know.
437. Hetalia makes history so. much. funnier.
438. Snuggies are perfect for Eating a book, reading a snack, and outsport dooring events.
439. DON'T Tweet about how pissed off you are that Twitter's down.
440. Wes thinks the world is made of pie.
441. Sometimes, you can be in bed, thinking everything is alright, and then you wake up, and you're on fire.
442. You're not SUPPOSED to wear hats on your ass, but...
443. Lutherans don't like zombie hunters.
444. Listening to twins argue is hilariously epic.
445. If it has a fan page, it exists!
446. If it has a Wikipedia page, it exists!
447. MISSING: My imaginary friend Steve. He was last seen three days ago. He frequents discount sushi bars and roller discos. If you see him, tell him Vince is sorry about the ice cream and to please come home.
448. Snape loves everyone.
449. The boob has been de-boobed.
450. Using the names of countries to describe different forms of groping is normal.
451. Do not, under any circumstances, do anything to harm the 4chan Party Van.
452. There is always a bucket in the 4chan Party Van.
453. Pictures of Dalton's bathroom have surfaced on the Internet.
454. Caitlin carries a towel in her bookbag.
455. Always buy pocky in bulk-your friends will eat most of it.
456. The Final Countdown is now playing in your head.
457. Praise be to the Great Muffin, for he shall lead us from strife.
458. One day we nerds will rule the WORLD.
459. Text-based rants are much, much funnier if you read them in Tourette's Guy's voice.
460. Elaina is kind of like Osaka, only even spacier.
461. Soylent Green is made out of people.
462. Fish means yes.
463. Randy dancing counts as a joke.
464. Silly String + Party = Orgie
465. Condoms are not appropriate gift exchange gifts.
466. Caitlin is terrifying when deprived of sleep.
467. Cody is a masochist.
468. Pee-Wee Herman is a very clean killer.
469. 'Ponyo' will kill you with its cuteness.
470. Old Man Willow will steal your pants.
471. 2 + 2 = Fish, and Fish = Yes, so 2 + 2 = Yes.
472. Randy is the selected CO in time of the apocolypse.
473. Randy is also appointed to five-star general.
474. Tweezers are a good prize.
475. Join the Island Watch Program and you, too, and visit the Disappointment Islands.
476. Santa's laughter mocks the poor.
477. The Game
478. Babies are bought at the store.
479. NEVER EVER EVER say that Captain K'Nuckles is the worst adventurer of all time. Beesley WILL molest you.
480. It's not a catch phrase if you only say it once.
481. Being in Underground makes you IMMORTAL. In a not-really sort of way.
482. If Elaina and Beesley had a baby, it would be Neil from The Young Ones.
483. Caitlin calls dibs on 'Timmy & The Lords of The Underworld' whenever we play Rock Band.
484. If Caitlin sees anything even remotely shaped like Tom Servo's head, she'll freak out.
485. Beesley can get you high just by touching you.
486. If the name Tim comes up in conversation, Tim Corn WILL show up. It doesn't matter if he's anywhere nearby or not.
487. Apparently Jared wants a cookie.
488. Jared isn't used to there being another Jared.
489. If Will and Featherston and/or Kita had a baby, it would be Data from The Goonies.
490. Will's weakness: Backrubs.
491. Randy's weakness: Koreas.
492. Giving someone a shoulder massage robs them of all their powers.
493. Arnold Swartzenegger + Disney songs = awesome
494. Do not stare directly into Cody Brooks's eyes. They are incredibly beautiful.
495. Half of 'Steamboy' is explosions; the other half is explaining said explosions.
496. Always follow the 20 Nerd Commandments.
497. Jesus saves. Allah forgives. The Flying Spaghetti Monsters rescues. Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandvich.
498. NEVER say 'sandwich'. Always say either sandvich or sammich.
499. All movies should have soundtracks of just AC/DC.
500. Some days are good. Some days are great. But then there are days where you open your trunk and an Asian comes out and beats you with a crowbar.
501. Randy = 42 people.
502. If Randy = 42 people and he wants to hang out with Featherston it automatically makes Featherston the life of the party.
503. The Lexus car company should name one of their cars the Lexus Luthor.
504. Internet = Having a life.
505. No internet = zombie apocalypse.
506. Cody will have a pet Mongoose. He will name it Nougat.
507. Randy uses sidearms. No exception.
508. Zombies have feelings too. They scream when you shoot them.
509. Mike is the exception to EVERYTHING. The only exception to this would be not being the exception to everything.
510. If you look hard enough underneath your refrigerator you will find Narnia.
511. Tilting your hat to a quarter angle is for Rappers and the Homeless.
512. Keyon was kidnapped at the age of five, sent to Nigeria, and replaced by a white man in a Keyon outfit working undercover for the Men in Black... who likes Bass Guitar.
513. Will will eventually be destroyed by his own creations.
514. Enter a midget into a cockfight. Just to see what would happen.
515. Avoid pillow fights. Pillows are made for relaxation if they are fighting what hope do we have.
516. The ninjas in Naruto think they are cool just because they know how to use gang signs.
517. The Earth's rotational habits are directly proportional to Corey's mood. If it's spinning he's sad.
518. The Burger King watches your kids sleep at night.
519. Caitlin, in the zombie apocalypse, will form a biker gang who ride on metal clad unicorn steeds with chainsaws attached to their heads.
520. If you see Biesemeyer and you happen to be carrying a Bible, hit him with it at all costs.
521. Featherston will be smuggling peanut butter cookies into the school every Monday, and I won't share.
522. Invincible bears will rise and start their reign by burning our women and raping our churches.
523. Anything can be made into a sexual joke.
524. But Mary will not get it.
525. The best way to spend your life savings is to convert it into pennies and throw it off the Empire State Building.
526. Yoga is not considered a martial art.
527. If you keep your heart open love will always find its way in. But so will herpes.
528. Blame theatre.
529. Love lasts a lifetime but herpes is forever.
530. Randy can turn invisible when going prone.
531. When Randy and Logan walk into a room our pride collides with such intensity that another universe is created.
532. If you walk into Randy's back yard you will never return.
533. Caress Cody homosexually for satisfying results. (results may vary)
534. President Thompson resides under Cody's bed.
535. Science + crowbar = results
536. Air is too meager to support Randy instead he breathes time.
537. Don't sit on the windowsill-your ass will scratch up the wood.
538. Always keep extra packets of Taco Bell sauce handy.
539. Flowerpots: Not the best place to hide a body.
540. DAS IST KLAUS. Klaus is going to kill everyone with a forklift.
541. There is a place and time to practice secret ninja skills. The Basement isn't one of them.
542. DO NOT use microwave and toaster oven at the same time. It will throw Earth out of orbit and we'll plummet into the sun. Thank you.
543. YOU ARE MY LOVE MY ANGEL. DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A POTATO.
544. Everything is more fun with friends.
545. Tentacle noises terrify Heather.
546. The definition of crap: a cloth pig mask.
547. Heather will occupy your vital regions
548. Randy will occupy your vital regions
549. Do not laugh when you have to pee
550. When shopping in a thrift store, you will eventually always end up by the books.
551. Pretty in Pink and Jurassic Park are completely different movies
552. Jared may be bigger than a girl, but he's still Korea, he's still a squirrel, and his nipples are still uneven.
553. Don't try and cuddle while wearing glasses, it never ends up well.
554. Awkward: when you're cuddling, halfway on top of each other, and stepmom walks in!
555. IT'S HATSUN-AY!!!!!111111KAWAIIDESUBAKANEKOCHAN
556. The key to the 4chan Party Van can unlock any door.
557. Denny Loi, Jace Douglass, and Neil Simmons aren't A.D. Members, yet at the same time are in our group of friends, which according to the rules means they would be A.D. Members, but they aren't. Trust me on this one.
558. Fact: At an anime convention, nobody cares if you're cosplaying as Lady Gaga, Sweeney Todd, or Cookie Monster. Because they're awesome. Well, except maybe Lady Gaga.
559. 'Twincest' is a combination of 'twin' and 'princess'.
560. When you're at a convention, you learn something new roughly every hour.
561. Being a part of Sanji's harem is a good opprutunity.
562. If America says you're awesome, it's a serious and rare compliment.
563. Don't let The Judge into the gaming room. he will disappear forever.
564. Heather & Caitlin will live in a van down by the river when they grow up.
565. David WILL name his son David, that way his son can be David Lane III.
566. Normies will assume anything Asian is Chinese. Geeks will either assume it's Japanese or know the difference between different Asian cultures.
567. The different between different Asian cultures.
568. They say English is the hardest language to learn; I say screw you, Arabic is the hardest language to learn.
569. Try your hardest not to, you WILL scare the normies. There's just no way around it.
570. Robots > Ninjas & Pirates
571. The pirates have a mountie on their side; those ninjas are fucked.
572. Depending on the type, different hats can give you different accents.
573. Mounties are awesome, even though they don't actually do anything
574. Momoji is NOT Sealand.
575. Cases where you must BRB: parents need computer, bathroom break, snack break, throw something away, parent is calling you, imaginary friend is on fire.
576. PARKVIEW UNDERGROUND: No relation to London Underground.
577. Ziff's fursona looks like Lucario.
578. NOBODY WANTS TO BE COLETTE.
579. We're going to tell our children some WEIRD stories.
580. Polar bears can breathe fire.
581. Comparing your friends to countries based on Hetalia and then having wars and international trade is normal
582. If Caitlin says she'll do something, chances are, she WILL do it.
583. On the Internet, no one can hear you scream.
584. Don't get drunk; you may end up in space.
585. Don't get drunk; you may find yourself at Caitlin's house in a maid outfit.
586. Germany runs a casino.
587. Lady Gaga is secretly Medusa.
588. Bambi lives in the ocean.
589. All wars are started over hats.
590. If it's any consolation, the sun will come up tomorrow.
591. Construction class is a good time to goof off, make wooden idols with enormous genitals, jewelery for one of the three girls in the class, breaking stuff, or making treasure maps to stick in random boxes. Who cares about the work?
592. German sucks. Don't take it.
594. Anyone who takes Team Sports is a loser.
495. Cactuses Vs. Tentacle Monsters: The most epic battle ever fought this side of World War IV.
496. If you play Jurassic Park on the violin, Caitlin will jizz herself. somehow.
497. Comparing Pokemon to sex doesn't ruin it, it makes it more fun!
498. Face tattoos don't work for Canada.
499. But Excel Gum does.
500. Penises are gross.
501. Illanois is not Nevada.
502. Nevada doesn't exist.
503. Sometimes, you just have to get naked in the cold with an axe in your hand.
504. David wearing a speedo during the zombie apocolypse is a good idea.
505. No matter how hard you thump your chest, you'll never be as cool as America.
506. Heather & Caitlin jizz themselves whenever they see the trailer for Tron Legacy.
507. Randy can physically feel it when you grope the cardboard cutout of the army guy at the movie theater.
508. Child abuse isn't nice.
509. Randy has beautiful expressions.
510. Heather is no longer a turnip.
511. If you put your headphones in your nose and open your mouth, the music gets louder!
512. We're in Ireland, near the Canadian Castle under the Wonderland Bridge, mom. No, I'm not high.
513. Name everything.
514. If we run into any Romanians, we'll be okay.
515. meine beste Freund ist Sherlock Holmes.
516. Duh duh duh duh...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
517. It's so simple! BLANKITY! BLANKITY! BLANKITY! BLANK! BLANKITY! BLANKITY!
518. MUFASA Eat MUFASA. And So, We Are All Connected in the Great Circle of MUFASA.
519. Fingerstaches: made of win.
520. Gravity Cat is not amused. You should have drawn him on Will's shoulder rather than elbow.
521. Bad words
522. Balloons are just sky sperm.
523. Have you seen Kyle? He's about this tall. Kyle?
524. STEEK.
525. Randy is a teamkiller
526. Randy has a grudge against Caitlin whenever we play Mario
527. Mike's room = SO MUCH WIN
528. Everybody! Go in the corner when Randy is peeing!
529. PUT ON YOUR JACKET, PARKER. YOU'LL GET A COLD.
530. Don't wear a red shirt. You'll die. Even if Spirit Week says wear a red shirt. It's just a conspiracy to kill you. DON'T DO IT.
531. Be careful when you put a phaser in your pocket; you may disintegrate yourself by accident.
532. Ash Ketchum's hat is the sexiest hat ever
523. Hanging out with Mike turns you Mexican.
524. Gates are for losers and Estonians
525. JUMP FENCES. PROVE YOURSELF TO GERUSSIA.
526. Everyone will become one with Mother Russia
527. Having a mustache means you can speak Italian
528. Caitlin better not find the Bluebeard room
529. Mike stores food around town.
530. WILL LIKES PINEAPPLES, DAMMIT.
531. Give your cow to the government.
532. Communism Crunch-Communise me, Comrade!
533. Caitlin always gets shotgun/machete in the 4chan Party Van because she supplies the music.
534. Unless Keyon is riding, because then he supplies the music.
535. No one calls 'shotgun' in the 4chan Party Van. We call 'machete'.
536. Anyone who rides machete in the 4chan Party Van is at risk of being sliced to bits at any one time.
537. Boom is like shotgun/machete, only TEN TIMES COOLER.
538. Anyone who rides boom in the 4chan Party Van will die. Unless you're Randy or Matt.
539. If the branches are low enough that Will can reach them from his car, THEY NEED TO GET CUT.
540. Relish and Tuna = delicious.
541. Chocolate Syrup and Curly Fries = actually delicious, no lie.
542. Ducks are communists.
543. Somewhere, a duck is always watching.
544. This list was brought to you by the Ministry of Silly Walks.
545. ICH KOMME JAPON.
546. This is a Disney movie! -points to furry strippers-
547. NOBODY LIKES QUESTOR.
548. But even less people like Thor.
549. I'm so British, it makes my face hurt!
550. Wearing a pith helmet means you can strangle leopards with your mustache.
551. The Story of Pennydick. Too disgusting to put here.
552. Everybody has teeth.
553. Fish never get laid.
554. Balloons are sky sperm.
555. All boys in the 1800s were named Dick.
556. Stillsuits: Awesome, but gross.
557. Spencer's is the most distracting store ever.
558. Remember where Guest Services is, or else.
559. Sex at 58 miles an hour-awesome?
560. Caitlin is pretty easy to find anywhere except Hot Topic.
561. David fails at silly walking.
562. Standing in a Borders and comparing your friends to books in the humor section is normal.
563. OH HO HO, THAT'S NOT AN ISLAND
564. Biesemeyer can look at a "Reasons You Piss Me Off" list and name a friend for each one.
565. Jared's birthday present is Spencer's. The entire store.
566. If Mike stole his girlfriend's hair and smoked it, no one would bat an eye.
567. Remember kids, gambling is good for you.
568. Even though we're geeks, we're still pretty typical teenagers.
569. PLAY JUSTIN BIEBER. TROLL ENTIRE MALL.
570. Taco Bell is for teenagers.
571. Taco Bell gives away free water.
572. Even to recurring customers (i.e. us)
573. Sometimes, it's the boring stuff you remember most.
574. Don't question why David's dad is wearing a wifebeater.
575. Abercrombie plays Rick Astley. sometimes.
576. Randy's mom is a Pokemon trainer.
577. The Pokemon move Cut can clear away the wild Pokemon grass.
578. The Teen book section is not our natural habitat. Let's go to the toy section to not seem suspicious.
579. Toy Story books: Unexpectedly awesome, or unexpectedly hilarious.
580. Woody is NOT Andy.
581. The train set in the kid's area at Barne's & Noble hasn't been replaced for nigh-13 years.
582. An unusual amount of Kid's Section books are relevant to Caitlin's interests.
583. TV Tropes will eat your life.
584. Seeing broken watermelons outside the mall is normal.
585. Placing a penny on said watermelon is normal.
586. Placing said penny on said watermelon is normal.
587. Pennydick
588. All movies should end like The Neverending Story
589. Caitlin is a cruel bastard
590. Everything is Pennydick's fault.
591. Being dead and being from Iowa are the same thing.
592. 4chan isn't banned in China.
593. Kids only behave in Shop because they fear the Hammer and The Beard of Mr. Hook.
594. Mr. Hook is secretly Thor.
595. Mr. Partee is a badass.
596. Bald people are terrifying.
597. Storing things in your bra is normal.
598. Stealing sharpies from Hailee's bra is normal.
599. Sean will never understand that everybody in Underground is a fuckin' psycho.
600. The Underground/A.D. would make a hilarious Wacky Teenager Sitcom.
601. The Underground/A.D. would make a hilarious Wacky Teenager Anime.
602. Firefly is a weeaboo repellant.
603. If the females are mermaids, then this makes the men merbutlers. Or mermanservants.
604. Not found
605. FUN: Take your Turkish Exchange Student Friend into Spencer's. hilarity ensues.
606. Threatening to remove someone from your Facebook friends is the worst threat a teenager can make to another teenager.
607. Taco Bell bags make sexy hats.
608. Sitting on a stoop automatically makes you like Dick The Knee.
609. GOOD IDEA: Trapping Vincent, Parker, and Phil in the hurricane simulator.
610. Buffalo Hats are sexy.
611. Nicknwes fail at dancing.
612. Jazmine is not a hooker.
613. You are not strong enough to fuck someone's couch.
614. Middle school fuckin' sucked.
615. But it did provide us with some amazing inside jokes.
616. All young boys in the 1800s-1940s were named Dick.
617. Bad Movie Night ruined Ewoks.
618. Hanging out with Underground is like hanging out with anime characters.
619. Rick was a dick in Middle School, but in high school, he's a much gentler dick.
620. Hand sanitizer looks like jizz.
621. Earth Science is an amazing class until mr. Vigil, Chris, or Cameron starts talking.
622. Even when he's an anime girl, Rick still has time to plan people's deaths.
623. Rick is allowed to be a dick-it's in his name.
624. The best day of class is the day the coolest person in there is absent.
625. Foososhosogskossi is the sound time travel makes.
626. Nothing attracts teenagers quite like rolling chairs, or Hardee's kids meal toys
627. Purple Link is always gay.
628. Nintendo used to make playing cards.
629. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER THROW PAT THE BUNNY.
630. Glowstick Swords: Mankind's greatest achievement.
631. Fuck Ewoks.
632. Missouri is the land of Bibles, prostitutes, and meth labs. Hence, BIBLEFUCKMETH.
633. Your ass is mine.
634. Phillip hates Gatchapoid.
635. Jared is a homo.
636. No matter what he says.
637. Glued together Cheerios make Randy cry.
638. Don't draw on eggs at two am. It'll confuse Heather.
639. Caitlin is probably better at Smash Bros. than you.
640. Elaina & Mike don't actually do drugs. I know, hard to believe.
641. Don't say 'fuck' around Gabby. She'll fucking kill you.
642. Don't insult Rick around Gabby. She'll fucking kill you.
643. Everyone loves Lampy.
644. Everyone is Street Fighter.
645. Street Fighter deserves his own anime series.
646. Street Fighter is better than you.
647. Have you met our friend, Street Fighter?
648. If you're ever in need of money, look behind Nate's desk.
649. Spiders count as a friend named Terry.
650. Terry is not a girl's name.
651. If someone says they accidentally voted you down in Four Swords, they might be lying.
652. Caitlin is Red Link.
653. No one else can be Red Link.
654. Likewise, no one else can have the Fire Rod.
655. Heather LOVES the boomerang!
656. David is both Marth & Sonic.
657. David has a Sonic The Hedgehog poster in his room. WHAT HAS HE DONE?!
658. David is Polish now.
659. David isn't Mexican, unless it's Caitlin talking, then he is
660. Never interrupt Togepi's banana.
661. Cats are spazzes.
662. Jordan loves it when you spam Giga Puddi on his wall.
663. Phillip loves it when you spam his name on his wall.
664. Street Fighter's powers are removed if you cut off his head.
665. Everyone likes Randy because he has a castle, is very rich, and can do magic.
666. Red Riding Hood was an awful movie, just as Logan.
667. Oh Racey, you're so cute when you're acting like a total retard.
668. YAY /purplelink
669. If Dalton gives you pop-tarts, you better pay him back. I'm completely fucking serious. He'll snap your arms in half.
670. Jewish Cowboys are the best.
671. David will never watch My Little Pony.
672. No one says 'fuck' at this table, by order of Mama Gabby.
673. Earth Science is a good class until the teacher starts talking.
674. Rick likes to say fuck.
675. If you're ever stuck in anything, drink your own piss.
676. Hailee is a cactus.
677. Cactuses have feelings too.
678. Phillip and Tyler are the same person and have a kickass ocarina and sword respectively.
679. Pokemon is a force that brings people together to be friends.
680. Everyone in The Great Gatsby was a fucktard except Jay Gatsby. Oh, okay, and Nick.
681. If you're ever stuck in Ms. T's english class, you're doomed.
682. Don't take Sculpture. seriously.
683. Dalton would prefer you not tell stories of his Middle School exploits in front of teachers.
684. David is awful with directions.
685. Orange orange orange Orange orange orange Orange orange orange Oooooooraaaaaaaange
686. Don't talk about Mo that way.
687. Phillip is actually 15 years old. No, seriously. Don't look at me that way.
688. Walls can give birth.
689. Rick is not amused with your making out.
690. If you make out, you'll find a lot of deodorant.
691. Neil said that.
692. If haircuts became illegal, Neil wouldn't be too concerned.
693. Neil and his girlfriend are actually a single entity.
694. Don't try to explain 493 to Phillip.
695. Always blame Jared.
696. Jared is the new Mike.
697. Jared is a beautiful girl.
698. The truth will set you free, unless the truth is about you murdering people.
699. Nate doesn't have a cat.
700. Nate will light a cat on fire just to get out of watching My Little Pony.
701. The universe isn't complete until Caitlin watches Excel Saga
702. David can't grow a mustache.
703. Never send Matt to chase ducks.
704. Be careful what you tell Jordan to do. He will do it.
705. Jordan is a bear.
706. Nate is like the Iron Giant, except small
707. Great idea: Duct taping Will to a tree during a thunderstorm.
708. Greater idea: letting mike run amok with a knife.
709. 671 is a lie because peer pressure.
710. Mike is better at growing mustaches then you.
711. Probably because Mike went through puberty four times.
712. David hates you but only when you're playing videogames with him.
713. Nate is a creeper who will sit on your porch for ten minutes while you shower.
714. David's screams are manly. Totally.
715. David will throw things at you if you EVER suggest we play Melee again.
716. One more thing: YOU'RE LOUSY!
717. You wanted to be a mop when you grew up, your argument is invalid.
718. Toon Link is always angry.
719. And no one knows why.
720. Video games hate David.
721. David is disturbed by Caitlin and Nate.
722. The Spy is popular.
723. Caitlin is an expert at spotting dead things.
724. Baby dolls are chick magnets, but only if you're Jared.
725. Jared's baby is the next step in human evolution.
726. The Epic Thread is like The Muppet Show, if the Muppet Show only had Sam the Eagle, Fozzie, and Statler as cast members.
727. David's picture makes everything funnier.
728. Dicks
729. Jordan qualifies as an avant-garde artist.
730. David's car causes national disasters whenever it breaks down.
731. Never cockblock Jared.
732. Unless you're Vincent.
733. Caitlin is more legit than Logan.
734. Zombie Mormons will freeze the city, and only Lindsey, Cody, Logan, and Caitlin can save the day.
735. Hank Hill is the best pony.
736. Hell isn't cool.
737. David will sometimes forget that he has near-omnipotent control of time.
738. Phillip never understands anything.
739. Evil Dead is the exception.
740. Tim the Hand is better than you.
741. Tim once made a cameo in Jurassic Park.
742. Samuel L. Jackson was in Jurassic Park.
743. There's a neverending chain of squires in the group. Logan is Caitlin's squire, but Cody is Logan's squire.
744. If they're wearing a tie, they're mormon.
745. This is payback for being such an awesome friend.
746. Ganondorf frequently fights with his mom, who he still lives with.
747. If you follow the steps in Randy's book "I'm Perfect and You Can Be, Too", you, too, can be a Fallout master.
748. A big man in a suit of armor. Under that, you are......... NAKED!
749. What did I just say?
750. David will do a lot of things for money, but he draws the line at working.
751. It's not fun unless mortal danger is involved.
752. BIG
753. FAT
754. COCK
755. Laters on the menjay.
756. Bowyer is the bastard son of Oblina, Yoda, and Woody Woodpecker.
757. Blargh fails at scaring Yoshis.
758. No one knows how to cat.
759. 'Cocks' isn't as good of a catchphrase as 'Dicks'.
760. If it exists, and it's potentially catchy, there's a dubstep remix of it.
761. BWAAAAGGHHH
762. If you pause at any given time in a French educational video, you'll get a reaction face.
763. Caitlin's poetry book cover is better than yours.
764. Chasing down a horse-drawn carriage is a perfectly acceptable thing to do on a Friday night downtown.
765. Watching Caitlin play Minecraft is apparently intensely interesting.
766. Mike is secretly a mob boss.
767. All mob bosses have their underlings sell Red Lights for them, lest kneecaps be broken.
768. Life is like an RPG.
769. Going to Taco Bell is not a sidequest. It's the main quest.
770. Walking from a house to Taco Bell raises your endurance stat.
771. Try not to talk about someone getting raped by dead people when you're asleep.
772. DON'T. THROW. PAT. THE. BUNNY.
773. Throw Angry Birds.
774. Throw Mr. Saturns.
775. Throw Pikmins.
776. BUT DON'T THROW PAT THE BUNNY
777. SERIOUSLY GUYS
778. Everyone will one day be assimilated into the world of ponies. Watch out, Foose.
779. Kuzco is the best Disney Princess.
780. Prince Whogivesafuck gives no fucks.
781. Tyler is a faggot. Probably the most important thing you'll get out of this list.
782. Nutella is the food of the Gods, and tastes good on everythin